2 Things I Learned in the First Weeks of Fatherhood

When I asked a friend about ideas for blogging, he told me, fatherhood will be enough.  I grinned when I read those words because I doubted that I could mine the days and nights of this new life for some things funny or interesting or engaging. 

The truth is, I am a new dad, but my weeks have been filled with soiled diapers, extreme amounts of crying, rocking and walking and strolling in Hyde Park, and a growing appreciation for my parents and committed parents everywhere.

But Marcus was right.  I have got two things that this new experience has left me with after the first month.  I’ll post two more tomorrow.

1) A person breathes differently when he’s upset.  Our almost silent puffs and pulls of the unseen stuff take shorter form when we’re agitated or angry.  Of course, I knew this already, but I’ve noticed with the kid.  The spaces between his breaths sharpen like sticks or pins or spikes.  Something inside him seems to tighten as if from fear or dread.  Suspicion takes us despite our best efforts and our trades with oxygen and the other gas deepen but less out of respect for life than frustration.  If you listen, you’ll notice the subtle change.  Relaxation steps off to the side, punting and reliquishing its place to anxiety.  We’re angry or upset.  And our breath is one of the first things to change.

2) Newness doesn’t bring much change but it will showcase the roots of your plants.  My mother-in-law visited to provide respite when our little one came home.  The third or fourth thing I noticed was that the thick roots of one plant were bulging with a set of questions about water.  Mother-in-law held our son; my wife napped, and I grabbed the pitcher.  A friend once told me that children highlight what’s happening in a relationship.  They don’t change it as much as they showcase it.  In our case, the plant wasn’t watered.  It was a tiny reminder that we had and have a tension to live in: we have a life outside of this important child.  That life must be honored and respected and lived even if it takes more work and effort to live it while being a good parent.  We miss things when we’re busy, when new situations come.