The Act of Really Loving

A quote for your consideration from Gerald May’s Will & Spirit.

God’s transcendent capacity for loving may well be infinitely greater than the combined capacities of all human beings, but one single person’s potential for loving–if truly opened–is enough of God’s immanence to incinerate everything we know and feel and have come to identify as ourselves.  Each of us, in the act of really loving someone, has touched the fiery edge of this awesomeness and pulled back.  Therefore, it must be understood that though sometimes we restrain our spirits because of ignorance or denial, there are other times when we hold it back because we know it too well.

A Part of Something

Yesterday I sat for my first interview for ordination in the Evangelical Covenant Church.  I’ve written a few posts about it.  One of the many things I’m thinking and appreciating about this process is the reminder that I am a servant in a local church that is a part of something larger, a Church that is inclusive of more than the local group of people I see, interact with, and serve. 

After being called into the room, I met four folks who had all my forms, papers, and applications.  Their faces were knowing and humble, and I could tell that they had been thoughtful and prayerful that morning.  I looked around the table at the face of a man I knew from several conversations, a man I’d met once when I led a retreat for his church earlier this year, a woman whose face was familiar but who I couldn’t recall meeting, and another man who I knew only by name and good reputation.

As the conversation came and went, we talked about my call, about my role and what I’m learning at New Community.  We discussed how I came to my church and where I’ve grown in my own view.  They mentioned the evaluation from my church and pointed out several pieces in my paper.  We talked about ways to serve and further get to know our denomination.  They reminded me that our work as ministers was both to our local churches and to the broader group within our denomination.

It was a kind reminder.  

One of my favorite authors is Gerald May.  I’m reading Will and Spirit.  Very slowly.  It will take me at least a year to process this book so if I mention in 2012 that I’m reading Will and Spirit, don’t be surprised!  Dr. May anchors the book in a distinction between willingness and willfulness.   

Willfulness is manipulative.  It is what we’re used to in culture, what pulls us away from being aware of who we are and what we’re addicted to.  Willfulness is setting ourselves a part of what we are naturally a part of.  It is the hard attempt to direct, control, and master existence.  Willfulness is the opposite of living by grace or living because you have been given something.

Willingness is on the other hand.  It is surrendering oneself to what is.  It is entering into, immersing one’s life into life, realizing “that one already is a part of some ultimate cosmic process.”  He says, willingness is the commitment to be in the process of life.  The commitment to be a part of something bigger that already is.

My interview was a recent reminder of some of this good stuff May is bringing up.  Any thoughts?